Not-so-holiday spirit

Your smokers’ cough is still the same.

I hear it ice pick up your lungs,

and jackhammer your belly.

It disgusts me,

But not as much as the day,

everyday,

when we needed you

and you walked out

to do those chores,

and drag that poison deep inside you.

You chose this.

You left.

You just didn’t realize it poisoned us too. 

Needed a change

My heart’s propped on hinges,

and like swinging doors it beats.

But I have never needed to see the sun more

than when I lost you face

in a crowd so thick

it made clotting look clean.

I’d beat open doors,

prop open windows

and swing open sounds

if it would bring you back to me.

Shivers run through me.

Like a sweat soaked t-shirt

at New Years,

I guess I just needed a change.

And trying to fix you has just reminded me of how broken I am.